Why does he comment on everyone else's status, but mine?
"He has not answered my text", "he liked her picture on Facebook", "I haven't heard from him in two months and just got a random text saying "hey girl"... these are all phrases I hear and why I have recommended to my single friends to eliminate texts and friend-ing on Facebook until a healthy relationship is developed. It should be an added bonus to already good communication. We all know easy it is to be misunderstood on a text. A text sent to by 'funny' can turn into a very heated argument if the tone is misread. It can be so aggravating to continue sending messages back and forth when picking up the phone and talking about it will resolve the issue in minutes.
Text-ing seems to have caused much confusion for women in dating. I see it everyday. Men no longer call to ask a lady out for a date. Instead, women receive a random text, "meet me for a drink". I make it clear when I meet someone that I do not want to develop a relationship through texts. I prefer the old fashioned way. It seems to have taken so much of the male responsibility out of dating. I miss the days when boy meets girl; boy is interested and gets girls number. Girl waits. Boy calls. Boy asks girl for a date. This has been replaced by and immediate 'texting-relationship'. 'Goodnight Beautiful' is not uncommon in the first week and a 'Good Morning Beautiful, have a nice day' can be expected. it seems to heat up quickly. Requests for pictures are next. I am amused by the number of men in their 40's and 50's who will send the token shirtless picture before we even talk on the phone. I am not impressed. What happens next, leaves women confused and bewildered... the withdrawal. Suddenly, he stops sending texts and will ignore her texts or be very slow to respond. She recognized the pull back, but when she asks, it's always the same, 'oh, I'm busy'. We are not this naive and believe this to be a modern day dating game to manipulate our emotions. It works for a while, but the game grows old quickly.
Facebook games are also a part of modern dating. Immediately after meeting someone, the Facebook friend request is sent. All the mystery of getting to know someone is taken away as you can learn all about someone is on Facebook. The new 'love interest' will go through your photos and begin the 'liking' process. The research also begins. Women tend to go back pages and pages to check out his activity. Insecurity sets in as she sees pictures of him with multiple women and women posting compliments on his wall. I know people who openly play games with Facebook asking their friends to post songs on their wall, like statuses and post pictures... all to get the attention of another man. I cannot comprehend what this does to the teen dating relationship with your whole life out there for everyone's approval or disapproval. Then the 'ignore' game begins on Facebook. He suddenly stops communicating with you, yet will comment on every other status, but yours. He begins 'liking' pictures of other women or posting on her wall. Again, this seems much like a game to manipulate our emotions. If a woman tries to call a man on this, he again acts as if the woman is being overly sensitive. Women are quick to use Facebook for games in the 'break-up' process, posting pictures of them 'moving on' and 'having the time of their life' now that they are single. While it is important to move on in a break-up, using it to manipulate emotions can be dangerous and, actually keep you more involved.
The most harmful one of these modern day technology mysteries is the random text. For whatever reason, you stop communicating and are no longer dating. Yet, a text may come seemingly from nowhere, 'hey girl'. A guy-friend shared a secret with me. When they are all alone or 'in-between' girlfriends, they may send the 'Hi' text to ten women to see who takes the bait. I think we will do well to remember we possibly parted ways for a reason. If we have parted ways and somehow he/she decides it was a mistake and wants to reunite, wouldn't a phone call is necessary. A phone call to say, 'I miss you and would like to see you'. A text out of the blue saying, 'What's up' is not a proper way to reunite. Shouldn't text-ing be 'icing on the cake', an added bonus to a good relationship, not a way to get to know someone, ask for a date, work out a problem or reunite. It is a major area of frustration to women that can be eliminated if you enforce a few boundaries in the beginning. Text-ing games have become a way of keeping interest. When he suddenly 'pulls back' and is slow to return texts, it gets your attention. You begin to analyze what went wrong. While you are analyzing, you are thinking about him. He knows this. It works.
To further explore this topic, consider the potential conflict the social media has brought into the committed relationship. Trust is crucial when there are endless opportunities to meet or reunite with old flames. I have read and heard numerous stories on the suspicions and confirmations of a spouse chatting with an old flame. Is it harmless? In most cases, it may very well be. I just can't understand why a person who is committed to making their relationship strong would compromise the trust and quality of their current relationship for something from their past. Typically people are in your past for a reason and, most often should stay there. Relationships are threatened by temptations everyday. This is one that should be easy to eliminate. What point do we have to being Facebook friends with an old flame from twenty years ago? How does this truly enhance your current life and the people who are important in your life today?
Technology has definitely changed dating and relationships, however respect and self-respect are timeless. Expect him to call you for a date and pick up the phone to resolve conflict. Expect him to call and say 'I've missed you' if he wants to work things out after a long absence. Respect your partner being uncomfortable with constant chatting with an old flame. Don't allow emotions to manipulated with modern technology.
"Analyzing is my hobby and putting it to words is my passion" Kimberly "KiKi' Camp is a single Mom of 3 daughters. Having lived through an abusive childhood, alcoholic father, college, marriage, thriving career, divorce and the struggles of raising girls on her own; Kimberly writes on a wide range of topics. She is highly analytical by nature with a natural gift of placing thoughts into words meaningful to the reader.
Kimberly's background, education and skills are in Quality Engineering and Management. She specializes in using those skills to incorporate polls, statistics and charts to bring clearer meaning to idea. With 20+ years experience in a management/technical field, she is very experienced in writing manuals, clear work instructions, training material and business writing. Yet her passion and heart's desire is in writing thought-provoking articles on life, love, feelings, emotions, happiness and relationships.
No comments:
Post a Comment